Some People Can’t Forgive

Some people can’t forgive. It’s true, some can’t. I know what you’re thinking—it’s not “can’t” but “won’t.”  No, I meant what I wrote. Here’s the other part—some people can’t forgive without a supernatural interference. I like the word interference here better than intervention. Intervention is too soft for what this takes. Some people are so bound up in unforgiveness that it takes an act of interference to bring freedom.I’m still learning a lot about the importance of walking in forgiveness and I’ve badly missed some great opportunities for interference. While in college, I had a great Spanish teacher. A lot of people didn’t like her because she was one tough teacher. She was serious and only those who were serious about learning Spanish appreciated her. Lisa was a great teacher.Lisa had anger issues though.  You see, her identity and self-worth were all in her teaching skills and when anyone didn’t take it seriously, she would easily become offended. She would vent to me and her tirades were way beyond reason. She would go on and on about certain students who offended her and her anger would affect her physically. She lost good teaching jobs over it. People didn’t know how to handle her. It eventually got to the point that she lost that sense for knowing what was socially appropriate and she would just let it all hang out in expressing her anger to anyone at anytime. It was really sad. I helped a lot of students by encouraging them to overlook that and see the good teacher she was, but even that became difficult.

Over the years we kept in touch on and off. I also learned over the years about some bad things that had happened to Lisa when she was younger, and that later in life she was jilted at the altar. She never married. As I learned more about offense and the damage it does to people, I began to have a better understanding about Lisa and her condition. There are a lot of people just like Lisa. Oftentimes in their childhood, they are wounded by some traumatic experience and the biggest more deadly wounds come from close, trusted relationships that go sour one way or another. Molestation, failed parental relationships, failed romantic love relationships—all of these can bring big wounds, and if new wounds by others are added without healing taking place, that person’s offense deepens and rips their spirit more.

 The human spirit can endure a sick body,
      but who can bear a crushed spirit? Proverbs 18:14

 It’s sad, but there are lots of people living with these wounds. People in this condition have lost control over themselves. The offense is a gaping hole and just as flies are attracted to decaying meat, demonic spirits are attracted to this gaping wound. That makes it even worse. For the most part, people in this condition cannot manage their own deliverance. They need help. Some people seek years of counseling to help them manage, but they are really never set free. This is a spiritual condition that can only be treated completely and successfully by spiritual means which takes not just an intervention, but interference. Christians who understand the power of forgiveness and deliverance have to interfere in these wounded lives and they have to push in with God’s love.

God created us so we could be deeply wounded. It’s a depth of capacity created in us by God for His intent of putting in us the ability to offer up to Him the highest praises. The risk of creating that in us is the wounded Spirit. When we use this spiritual depth for Him—when we reach that certain “pitch” He turns His head and we have His attention. Satan knows this and works to wound this instrument of praise, the human spirit, to prevent this powerful high-praise to God. Knowing this will motivate us to refuse to allow ourselves to be offended in the first place.

The power of God’s love is the only thing that can separate the pride that associates itself with unforgiveness. Pride protects unforgiveness and fights to keep it. Love works by prying pride free enough to touch the wound. But first the wounded person has to go through a process of releasing and forgiving the offenses of those who wounded them. Once that happens complete healing and restoration takes place, and my experience as a witness to many of these events—it’s instantaneous and very complete.

Lisa committed suicide. I hate that. I failed to interfere and I live with that. A student found her when she became concerned about Lisa’s absence. She was probably another student like me who recognized the great teacher that Lisa was.  

Pastor Don